Stirrings : “You DID WHAT?”; The things I can’t believe I did in the wake of losing my Dad.

Jen
For our new readers here is the background:  My dad died in a plane crash about 6 months ago in the NW Territories of Canada.  He went off radar shortly after taking off.  He was flying himself in a single engine airplane.  It took 5 or 6 LONG days to find him.  His plane crashed and there was no chance of survival.  I have been sharing my thoughts on grieving along the way.  Loss is something all of us will go through in our own way, it’s common to man, yet personal.  I have been trying to go through it gracefully.  It has been fascinating to me because I have never lost someone that I love. 

The things I NEVER thought I would do!  I have heard my friends say “You did What?”  “What did you do that for?”  I must admit some of these things I am surprised I did. 

I share this with you for a few reasons.  I think grief takes a MAJOR toll on us.  I think many people can relate.  Like a country ravished by a Tsunami.  The Tsunami hits in an instant however for months there are signs of the destruction, yet the foundation remains.  I am growing and rebuilding.  I am still who I am.  I am standing on God as my rock.  I have done things I would have NEVER seen coming.  Some things good, some crazy, all of them took me by complete surprise.  It is only now after 6 months that I can reflect and continue to learn and grow from this situation.

10. I bought my husband a truck for his birthday.  He did need a new car.  His was falling apart after 10 years of hard use.  But, a truck, not great on gas, I just did it.  I was trying to convince my husband we should move and get a new house.  My bible study leader talked me out of that.  She said one major life change at a time.  I honestly think I was craving change.  I just wanted everything, clear, clean and new.  In lieu of a house, I bought a car.

9. I did get a new kitchen table.  Every time I sat at my old one I saw my Dad’s face.  We had dinner together at least every Tuesday night.  The table was getting old but I am not sure what drove the change, the “need” or the loss.

8. Switched to a Mac.  My dad was a PC guy and my husband a Mac guy.  My dad and I would share photoshop so I remained a PC girl so we could share.  Now that he has passed away I got my husband a MAC for Christmas.  He graciously waited and honored my dad for 9 years staying on a PC and for Christmas this year I got him a Mac.  We both cried.

7.  I got fake nails.  My dad hated fake nails, so  I never got them.  It was a little way I honored him.  I have always had HORRIBLY UGLY nails!  It seems like it’s a little thing that adds a major improvement.  For whatever reason, it’s a little thing that I enjoy.  My friend have all noticed and said, “What’s that about?”

5.  I have been doing a little retail therapy (as you can tell).  Now it’s a New Year and I have told myself that I have to reign it in.  This did not put us in debt (YET), however, it’s good to know about myself and I need to be aware.  This could cause problems if left out of control or if I don’t reign it in.  I need to be wise and aware of what I am doing and the cost!

3.  I have generally been marked by a person who is in fairly good control of my emotions. The event of my dad dying has been like a title wave and me and my emotions have been thrown around at sea.  I’m rebuilding and slowly becoming more steady.  I was easily angry with my kids for the first few months.  That is better, but I will still say that I am more swayed by my emotions than before.  I am still pretty tender.

The Biggest Change: I have slowed WAY down.  I am spending more time reading my Bible and leaning on God.  I am taking more time for my family.  My priorities have been shaken back into place.  It is good.